Monday, October 10, 2011

My Journey

As I posted last Monday my Doctor told me that I must loose 14 lbs before he will do the surgery. Well I'm happy to report that I have lost 4 lbs!!!!! YAY!!!! Just 10 to go.

What Ive been eating ...

Breakfast: Light and fit yogurt with Grape nut flakes and Coffee (I will never give up coffee just saying)
Snack: 100 cal pks & Water
Lunch: Salad & Diet Dr Pepper
Snack: 100 cal pks & Water
Dinner: Salad &Water

Four pounds is good!!!

We are leaving for Texas in eight days so I am hoping to loose another four pounds before we go and then the rest before the end of the month.

I have to say that I have started getting really scared about having this done.

I am one of those people who always think the worst is going to happen. I mean seriously, it's sad but true and I cant help but think that something is going to go wrong with either the scoop procedure or the surgery.(both you are put to sleep) I'm scared to death that I will not wake up from it.

I'm doing this for myself but I'm also doing this from my daughter. I want to be here to see her grow up. I want to be the mommy that runs around the play ground with her but what happens if I don't wake up???

I'm doing this so that I can be a better mommy to her but what if mommy doesn't come back?

Ive had the scoop thing done several times but when you are 16 years old the only thing you are worry about is when you can go shopping or talk to your boyfriend. But when you are 24 and you are married and have a child everything changes. I am so worried that maybe mommy is making a mistake. What if the last time I ever see my daughters face is in the waiting room at the hospital because mommy was selfish and wanted to be skinny. Is this worth it??? 

If I sit back and think about it long enough I wonder what if I get a trainer? What if I go back to weight watchers. What if I just try harder. Maybe I can loose all the weight I need to, to be healthy all by myself.

Maybe I cant go through with this.

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