Monday, March 26, 2012

My Journey

So tomorrow is the day

The day I have bee waiting for almost 6 months now.

Im scared

Im excited

Im freaked out

Im happy

Im sad becauce I will not get to see Eviee

Im sad that there is a good chance I wont get to kiss her goodnight. I have never been away from her over night.

I intend to fight with my doctor if he indeed tells me that I am to stay the night.

However I do have all of Eviees things packed and ready in case I do not win that battle.

I intend to stay up all night tonight so that even after the meds wear off I am still tried enough to sleep my whole stay so that I am not worried about Eviee the whole time. (hope it works)

Ive been cleaning house since yesterday. Trying to get everything ready.

I am also I little worried that I will not get this done tomorrow. I was supposed to loose 4 lbs (this is the new amount after seeing him a couple of weeks ago) and as of today I have only lost 2lbs. Yesterday the scale said 3 and now 2 ughhhhhhhh I hate scales!!!!

I am on a all liquid diet until wed night. Maybe longer I didnt really ask.

I plan on wearing ugly blank sweats tomorrow. HA!!! They told me NO JEANS so this is what they get.

I cant wear any makeup AT ALL!!!! Feel sorry for everyone that has to look at me. LOL

Im really going to miss Eviee. I need an iphone so that I can do the video calling thing.

I had a major freak out moment last night while talking to me mother. She tried to convice me not to go through with it if I was this scared. But like I told her I have to go through with this.

Ive been on The Lap Band site most of today looking at everybodys before and after . That will definently keep me wanting to get this done.

Eviee is cranky today. I think she can tell something is off

Praying everything goes well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

My Journey

OK so the date is set.... March 30th! (and it only took five months)

My first meeting with my Doctor he told me that I would only have to stay in the hospital that day and now all of a sudden he is wanting to keep me over night. Is this because when he asked me if I had any questions for him my reply was only one.... " am I going to die"????

Yes I asked this. Why wouldn't I? It's a serious question, people die every day having surgery.

Then I ask about Eviee. Since I am still breastfeeding my plan was to have her with us at the hospital so that I could nurse her right before they take me back. And also cause I just cant stand to be away from her. Anyway the plan was my mom was going to meet us at the hospital. I was going to nurse her before they take me back and then my mother had ORDERS not to leave until I got out and got to see Eviee. Then she was going to take her home for the day. Once they released me to go home then mom would meet us at home with my sweet angel. That was until.....

The Doctor told me NOT TO HAVE HER UP THERE!!!! I mean I know how bad hospitals are and NO I do not want to put my baby in harms way... I guess I never really thought that part through. So now that he has told me no and I have thought it through no Eviee will not be up there. I do not want her to get anything. But omg I am going to miss her so much!!!! If I have to stay over night like he is wanting  then Eviee will stay with my mom. This will be the first time she has ever been away from me all night. I hope like hell they keep my on some good drugs or else I'm gonna be freaking out. Ive been crying everyday thinking about being away from her all that time. Is she going to think momma left her forever???  Makes me so sad to think about.

Ive also been praying everyday that God lets me come out of this all right. I ask him everyday to please bring me back to Eviee. Please bring me back to Sean. Everyday.

I think I'm starting to have panic attacks again thinking about all of this.

Ive been so worried that I have had myself ALL KINDS OF MESSED UP!!! HA I thought I was pregnant!!! Yes I said it PREGNANT!!! I was two weeks late then THANKFULLY good ol mother nature stopped in for a visit!!!

I still am having second thoughts ( a little) I'm just so worried that something is going to go wrong with the surgery and will it have be worth it??? It's has gotten so bad that I have seriously told my self "don't worry so much I mean the worst that will happen is you die and if your dead you ain't going to care" Is that not horrible???

With that being said Ive thinking that I need to get a life insurance policy on myself. Sean and Eviee both have one but I don't. Maybe I should look into that.

Is it normal that I am so scared of dying from this and yet it hasn't changed my mind??? Is that a little sign that everything is going to be OK and I'm just freaking out over nothing??? I sure hope so. Until then I am just going to keep praying to God to please let everything be OK. Extra prays would help too please.... Thanks!!!!

On a happier note I am looking forward to two weeks after. Two weeks after the band is put in I will get the fluid put in. That will be day one! Day one of my new life. My doctor was reminding me that this is  a tool. A tool to teach you about portions and changing your life. I simply told him that I am ready. I have several pieces of exercise equipment and I bought a jogging stroller and I have P90X so don't worry doc I'm am ready for this change!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

My Journey

So I haven't updated this in FOREVER simply because there was nothing to tell. But after five months of waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and more waiting I FINALLY WAS APPROVED FOR MY LAP BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still do not have much to tell but I go Tuesday morning for pre-op and I should find out when I will actually have this done. I am praying that I will get this done within the next two weeks!

Until then...

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Things you may not know

  • I am currently watching General Hospital... I love this show
  • I am thinking about planting a flower garden in my backyard... Not a big one but just something pretty good size with nothing but beautiful flowers
  • I am a neat freak when it comes to my house except when it comes to my bedroom it's always a mess
  • I hate taking the clothes out of Eviee's closet that don't fit her. Makes me very sad!
  • The next person that tells me I spoil Eviee or buy her too much is going to be slapped!!! This is my child and I will buy whatever whenever I feel like. And by the way why the hell do you care????
  • We still havent decided on getting a bigger car. Somethings are up in the air right now and we may not really need a bigger car so until it's all decided I guess we'll stick with what we have.
  • Sean really wants a flat screen tv but I dont want to spend the money on one. Why??? No ours is not a flat screen but it still works. When I was growing up we didnt just get something new unless we needed it or it was broken so....
  • I am ALWAYS thinking about the past and the people in it. Did I mention that I HATE IT!!!
  • I am so sick of getting on FB and seeing peoples relationship status changing EVERY FREAKING DAY!!!  And on that note I am also sick of those people who update the normal status every two seconds ERRRR you may be deleted it you are one of these people. :)
  • My lap band seems to be takeing FOREVER. Now they are saying I should hear something by the end of this week or the first of next.  Not holding my breath
  • Im thinking about going blonde when I get nice and skinny. We shall see. :)
  • I feel like Sean and I need some "couple friends" but....
  • I also feel like Sean and I need more date nights but I can't stand to be away from Eviee
  • I want to go on Vacation SOON!!!
  • I am loving the weather this week, Eviee and I have been on many walks
  • My mother in law is makeing me a diaper bag that will match Eviees car seat. I never found one that I wanted before I had her and ever since Ive been a little busy but lucky for us nana is great at sewing. I will post pictures of it as soon as I get it.
  • Ha I told Sean that I wanted a sugar daddy .... as long as I get a sugar momma he said LOL we may have to work on this LOLOLOLOL
 I guess this is it for now Eviee needs mommy. Have a wonderful day!