Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Weekend equals wonderful

This weekend was absolutely wonderful!

Friday night we celebrated my step daughters birthday. We had a BBQ and I made chocolate cupcakes with mocha icing! O yea they were amazing!!!!
Joanna just turned 13 and she is our coffee holic. Up until about two months ago I wouldn't let them drink it simply because I feel they are too young for it. But after alot of begging from the girls we decided that they could have one cup in the morning with us but that was it.  Made them happy and this step momma got some major points ;)
We ended up getting her The Hunger Games Movie, a really cute razorback loofah and some crazy socks which she loves! Speeching of socks have y'all noticed how these kids are wearing miss match socks??? Totally drives me INSANE!!!!

Saturday we all woke early and went to "Paint the park pink" and guess what??? I forgot to take a picture of us looking O so NOT great in the ugly pink shirts and pink hard hats! Damn I'm so sad. LOL Anyways there were TONS of freaking people there, more then I really thought there would be but we had fun and I'm so glad all the kids were there to support a good cause with us. Sean and I are looking forward to doing many more walks and hey maybe one day a run????? We'll see.

After the picnic we headed over to Sean's family picnic. The kids play tons of games and rode rides and I, I played bingo and yet another year has gone by and I did not win ANYTHING! Kinda pissed about this but whatever.

That night my sister and her family came over and we visited and had dinner. I always love getting the family together. Just wish I had a bigger house but we always make it work!

Sunday Sean went back to work. The two older girls slept till 11 am but Eviee Logan and me were up nice and early. We hung out in my bed watching cartoons. I think Eviee was very happy with this since I have been limiting the amount of TV she watches lately.  It was fun having two kiddos cuddled up in bed with me.  That afternoon we headed to the mall for some lunch and a little shopping. This was the first time I have ever had all the kiddos by myself and it was really nice.

The weekend was over way to fast but I am looking forward to next week!!!! Hope y'all had a good weekend as well.

(ps for those of you wondering why I haven't posted many pictures lately I've been to busy to save them to the computer. But I intend on getting them all up for a big photo dump next week.)

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Fun things happening this week

  • Today (Tuesday) the weather was so nice I took Eviee to the park to play for the first time!!! So exciting!!! She still isn't walking on her own but she held my hand and walked the heck out of that park. She loved sliding down the slide!
  • Tomorrow night we have my step kids. We get them every Wednesday. We love seeing them and I love seeing them with Eviee and Eviee with them. She thinks they are just awesome especially her brother! They are best buds.
  • Thursday is Joanna's birthday. We will not see her Thursday I don't think but we will celebrate on Friday as it is our weekend with them.
  • Then Saturday morning Sean's work is sponsoring us along with other employees and family to walk for The Susan G. Coleman Foundation. I'm very excited about this. Sean and I have wanted to do something like this for a long time now . Everybody will be wearing pink shirts and HAHA pink hard hats. (my husband works for a steel mill so) anyways I'm not loving the hat things but I am excited. We are making all of the kiddos come too. I think it would be good for them. Pictures to come. 
  • After our walk is the annual family picnic that Sean's company holds every year. I have been to about 20 or more of these. My dad worked for the same company for over 22 years. The serve all kinds of good food that I wont/shouldn't eat. ;) They have tons and tons of games and things for the kids to do and my all time favorite is BINGO!!!! Call me an old lady but man they give away freaking 70 inch flat screen TVs among other great things so this momma will be sending both little red heads off to play with daddy while I play bingo!
  • Saturday night my family is coming over to visit and eat. Love having them over.
  • Then Sunday Sean's back to work and I think Eviee and I may drive up and see my parents. They are some camping fools let me tell you. They are camping with my grandparents and since it will be their last day there and no one will try and convince me to stay the night we're gonna go visit! Maybe :) 

That's all I have folks hope your week is going well!!!!! Two post in one day! Im getting good! LOL

Lap Band

I recently posted that I have been having a lot of problems with my lap band. I thought now would be a good time to write about since I'm wide awake and Eviee is still sleeping.

I have had my band for five and a half months now. I am down 45 lbs. (by the way I think I put 50lbs on fb maybe not? But if so that was a type-o). So 45 lbs and I am embarrassed to say that it is all thanks to the band. I mean I do eat pretty healthy but I have my days like any body else. I hate to say that I didn't put anything in to loosing the weight because all I have said was that I wasn't going to use this as a easy way out but I have.

I intended on getting the band and as soon as I was able I going to start exercising but it just never really happened. Here's my excuses for why I ha vent been exercising....
  • Eviee is awake from 430-500am every morning (this is very rare for her to be sleeping still)
  • I do not get much sleep at night so waking up earlier then her is not something I want to do
  • Its been to hot out during the day for my little red head. (you know the burn easy)
  • I'm too embarrassed to go "workout" outside or in a gym in front of alot of "fit" people watching me.
  • I have other things that I need to get done.
  • I keep saying when I loose another 20 lbs

The list goes on and on.

Some of the problems I have been having with the band are.
  • I throw up if I eat one bite to many. (this is a new thing)
  • If I eat even one bite of bread or pasta I am in dying pain because it gets stuck at the "new" opening of my stomach. Dying pain as in what I think a heart attack would feel like! NO LIE!
  • I have random pains where my port is (port-where my dr sticks the needle to fill my band)
  • My port is sitting right under the first few layers of skin so it makes it hard to sleep on my stomach (I'm a stomach sleeper by the way)

This is some if the things that I'm willing to share with the public. LOL some you wouldn't want to know.

The list of problems may not sound to bad to you but I have to live with them daily. Some things can be avoided if I would just stop acting like a child and stop eating it. Like bread and pasta. Sure I wouldn't die from not eating them and trust me I don't eat them often but every once in awhile I try and take a little bite and BAMMMMM dying pain. The pain last for any where from 10 mins to hours. One day I will learn I guess. But really I have been doing alot better with not eating something I know I shouldn't.

I don't only get dying pain from eating breads or pastas. Somethings a banana or yogurt does it too. Sometimes even just drinking water. I never know when its going to happen and when it does all I can do is ride it out and try to hold back the tears.

In the beginning I didn't throw up at all but this last two months I throw up alot. I HATE HATE HATE to get sick!

I haven't seen my dr in over two months. I just haven't wanted to go. He always tells me "some people have problems and some people don't". I got sick of hearing this so I just stopped going. But that hasn't gotten me anywhere. I haven't lost much weight in the last two months. I need another fill. So I called his office yesterday and I go in October for another fill at which time I am going to beg him to see me every two weeks from then on out until the band is as full as it will go. I need to speed this weight lose up. At which time I will try to keep my goal weight up for six months and if I do then I may have it removed. I am only 25 years old and I do not wish to live in pain for the rest of my life.

In the mean time I am waiting for Eviee to wake up. I am going to feed her breakfast and then we are going to meet my sister to start our daily walking. Tonight when Sean gets home we are going to put in 30 day shred and I am going to do my best to "add" to my weight lose. Wish me luck and I will try my best to stop being lazy. I did this for myself but more for Eviee. I have to change!!!!!!!!!!!

 Ok well starch that my sister just text me and one of the kids is sick so Eviee and I are on our own. But we can do this! Hope everybody have a wonderful Tuesday!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Where Im supposed to be

I'm sitting here at my kitchen table looking out the window watching the rain come down and listening to Eviee play with "her tubber ware", thinking I am where I'm supposed to be.

My life wasn't bad growing up per say but it definitely had tons of room for improving. There was always something going on. And 9 times out of 10 is wasn't good.

When I was 16 I suffered from serve depression. I felt as though I had no one. I remember always feeling like I did belong  any where or with anybody.

 After some time I finally got out of my funk met a new group of people (thanks to my job) and things were looking up.... for a while.

Then I did something so stupid.  What was I even thinking? I wasn't thinking. He was so wrong. On every level wrong. And I knew it the second he said Hi. But that didn't stop me. After two years of living through hell knowing I did not belong with him I still said "yes" to marrying him. Why is it when we know we shouldn't do something, know we don't belong we still try. We try to be the one they need the one they want. We try to make them the one we need and want. But sometimes no matter how hard we try it just doesn't work.

Only by the grace of God I did not marry that man. I would to hate think where my life would be today or if I would even be here. (the man ended up to be a child abuser, drug addict, acholoic not to mention a cheater).  Sometimes you have to stop trying so hard to find the perfect person, stop trying to make the relationship work when you know it never will. Sometmes you have to just stop and let God lead the way. 

I met Sean while working at a daycare. I thought he was hot as hell but did not think for a second I had a chance with him. That didn't stop me though. I went nuts every time he walked into the building. And when he started really talking to me O MAN! I lost it!!! I remember telling a co-worker of mine that I was going to marry that man. She laughed and reminded me that I did not believe in marriage. You know parents divorced after almost 16 years, none of my friends parents were still together. I almost married a man who was still sleeping with his ex-wife (a week before our wedding and yes I knew he was for a long time and no she wasn't the only one he was sleeping with) and every boyfriend I ever had always thought there was something better around the corner (maybe there was). But I guess something deep inside of me just knew he was meant for me.

We started dating and instantly fell in love. We knew early on that we wanted to get married and have a family of our own. But sometimes life has other things in mind.

 A good friend of mine (my age) past away and honestly I just lost it. I left Sean in Tulsa and moved back in with my parents and instantly knew that was the dumbest thing I have ever done (to date) LOL. We of course got back together but I stayed with my parents for a couple of months.

After two months I knew I had to get back to Tulsa. I had to be with Sean. He is the only person that has ever really made me feel wanted. He's the only man I have ever walked with in a store and not felt like he was checking out that girl who just walked by. Sean makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world and at the same time if we are in a crowded room he makes it well known that I am his. I now believe I never experienced true love until him. The other few times I don't even know what those were but this what he and I have its true love.

Being with him I feel so loved, so safe. I know he loves me and yet everyday he amazes me by showing me just how much. He makes it a point daily to express how in love with me he is. He makes me feel whole.

July 14, 2011 our darling daughter was born. I had no idea that I could love someone as much as I loved Sean, but the moment they placed her into my arms this sense of "complete" fell over me. Our life together is nothing like I have ever known. We have a perfect marriage. We do not fight. We are not looking around the corner for something better.. We are in love with each other and with our daughter.

Sean is at work and even though I miss him and wish he was here with us I still feel so happy. So loved. I spoke with him earlier and just hearing him say "I miss you" "I miss Eviee" I know this is where I was always meant to be.

I love spending my days playing with Eviee when Sean is at work. Waiting around for 6pm to start cooking dinner so its done the moment Sean walks in the door at night. The days he's off work we just hang out together as a family and I wouldn't trade it for anything or anyone in the world.

You know getting married and having a baby changes a lot of things. Some good and some not so good. Some people stay in your life and others don't. It does suck to loose someone you cared about for so long just because you have a different life then them. And it sucks even more when they do get the same kind of life and you can't rekindle the friendship. But that's life I guess. All you can do is try. If its meant to be then it will be. And if not I have everything I need with in my home. I have my loving husband and our beautiful daughter. This is my life. This is where I'm supposed to be. I pray that God gives us, ALL THREE OF US a long happy healthy life together.

Friday, September 7, 2012

If you really knew me

Another blog I follow wrote her "If you really knew me" so I thought I would do it too. Yes I'm being a copy cat get over it. LOL

If you really knew me you would know that I take my coffee with cream or milk only NO SUGAR!
That Sean and Eviee are the only two people who could make me this happy!!!!!!!!!!
That I do truly believe I have the most beautiful daughter.  :)
I love Target brand ANYTHING!!!! LOVE TARGET!!!!!!!
I hate to read. Reading blogs is pushing it and most days I don't read them. But I love me some fifty ;)
That I am trying super hard not to cuss anymore. (Trying)
That I am having issues with my Lap Band and am considering having it removed . (More on this later).
I can not stand people with bad breath! YUCK!!!!!
My house has to be clean or I will seriously go crazy.
I buy more clothes for Eviee then she will ever have the chance to wear and I don't care.
My husband seriously is the best man I have ever met and I am so thankful for him.
I do not believe I deserve Sean.
I am a very stuck up person :/
Id rather drink water 9 times out of 10
Friends are really over rated these days. I am thankful for the few "real" friends I have but beyond them....
I LOVE THE SMELL OF SHEA BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE anything pumpkin.
I HATE the hot weather.
I hate the country and all things that follow. (horses,hay,cowboys,boots) LOL
I can not bake.
I love my crock pot.
I make amazing sweet tea! Too bad I hate Tea :(
I am a major bargain shopper.
I am currently in a NO TV MODE! I refuse to have my 13month old watching TV all day.
Death totally freaks me out!
So does getting old.
I am a very up tight person.

But if you really knew me you'd know that I have a major soft spot for children. I love my family more then anything. I am a very trust worthy. I try my hardest to be the best wife and mother. I want whats best for Eviee Sean and myself. And I'm really a super amazing person. If you knew me, you'd love me ;)

Monday, September 3, 2012

Whats on the list to-do's

  • Really start Christmas shoppig. (I always start early and am happy to say I already have 4 presents)
  • Find Eviee some Really good Organic Vitamins
  • Take my Armada back to the dealership to have some things fixed (head light and door) :(
  • Take a "mini road trip" with ALL THE KIDS (am I crazy???? YES!!!!)
  • Get my dang lawn guy out here. Its starting to look like a jungle out here.
  • Ive got to go see my Lap Band DR. Its been over two months. "SIGN"
  • My mom and JoAnnas birthdays are coming up. And I have no idea what to get them.
  • Find a new stroller for the Armada. (KIDS SALE PLEASE COME THROUGH)
  • But another car seat so Sean's car has one.
  • Finish my darn cookbook!!!!
  • Win the lottery. ( But if I do im not sharing just so you know) LOL TRUE!
  • Loose 36 more lbs by the end of December to reach my 80lb goal for the end of the year.
  • Have a girls day with my sisters and the little girls (maybe this weekend)

Well that it. Exciting huh??? LOL

Two post in one day. WTH?????

Nine days

This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I never got around to it.
P.S. its very long sorry.

This last nine days have been emtional to say the least. My poor little noodle has been very sick.

It all started last Wednesday night around 7 pm. She started running a low grade fever and didnt want to eat or drink. This lasted until Saturday. By 7pm Saturday night Eviee has only had 3 oz of liquids. She had only one wet diaper all day and honestly it wasnt that wet. By this time she was close to being put into the hospial if we did not get her to drink. I stayed up all night waiting for her to make any kind of move and when she did I put the bottle to her mouth. Over the course of the night I managed to get her to drink 6oz. And by 7am Sunday morning she finally had a wet diaper.

She woke up Sunday morning still with a low grade fever but she started drinking good and even eating a little. The rest of Sunday and all day Monday she was basicly back to her normal self. I did not take her to the doctor because I was sure it was just teeth as her fever never got over 100.7.

But the Tuesday morning she woke up with 102.7 fever and refused to eat or drink anything. We went to see the Doctor. He said that he ear was a little red and that her throat was a little red most likey due to "teething". But he went ahead a gave us antiboioic because Eviee is pron to ear infections when she gets new teeth in. We left happy that she would be better soon.

By Wedensday morning she was worst. Mind you she had already had two doses of meds. She woke up at 5am with 103.9 fever! I flipped! Screamed at Sean to wake up and by the time he came to her room I was already taking her clothes off of her trying to get her body to cool down.
I tried to call the after hours but was just pissed that NO ONE was picking up so I called my mom. She of course was fast asleep and thought I said Eviee was running 104.9 and yelled at me to get her to the ER NOW!!! I lost it! I just started balling. A few mintues later she woke up enough to remind me that until it gets to 105 there is no need to freak out. So I calmed down gave her some meds and about hour later her fever started to go down. She fell asleep for about three hours fever never really broke and by 10:30am her fever was now up to 104!!!! I called the doctor. And was then told that I MUST give her meds 72 hours to work on her "ear infection" HELLO her ear wasnt even that red! I was so freaking pissed and made sure that damn nurse knew it!

All day and night Wednesday we just watched her like a hawk. The doctor did comfrim what my mother had said about waiting until her fever  gets to 105 before flipping out so I did feel a little better. But her fever never went below 101.7 even after Motrin. All day and night it just jumped up and down but never fully broke.

Thursday morning it was just Eviee and I. Sean had to go back to work.Eviee woke up about 7am and I gave her dose 3 of her antiboioics. Fever still pretty high. She was only awake for about an hour and then fell back asleep. We she finally woke up I tried offered her some yogurt. (this is about all she had been eating since she got sick).She took a few bites. I got her down and about ten minutes later I noticed that her lips were turning blue and she was shaking.  I called the doctors office and demanded they see her again or I would be taking her to the ER NOW! I got off the phone with them and called Sean at work and told him to get home NOW! But as soon as her lips turned blue and she started shaking she stopped. I called Sean back and told him to mee me at home because someone had to ride in the back with her to the doctor.

Sean got home and he and I agreed that they would draw blood and see what was going on and if our doctor would not do it then we would take her somewhere else.  I knew this was no ear infection.

We get to the office and no surpise to me she had lost weight. Ya know that happens when you havent really ate or drank in DAYS! Our doctor said that the meds were working because her ear was no longer red at all but that he was worried she had a GI infection. So thankfully he sent us for blood work. I didnt want to have to kick an old man ass!!!!  For those that dont know I used to draw blood for a living and I was fully prepared to tell these people how to take care of my baby. Lucky for them they knew what they were doing. Of course she cried during but the second they pulled out the needle she stopped.

So we left the hospital after getting blood drawn and were headed home to wait for the results. Now being the person I am I always think the worst. Im not going to say what I was thinking but after 8 days of diarrhea 6 days of fever (HIGH FEVERS)  (we had two days without one right in the middle) and not eating or drinking much at all, not sleeping for Eviee and mommy (MOMMY LESS) I was seriously thinking the worst.

500pm on the dot the office called to say that she has a bacterial infection. They said that she could have got it from any where. That these are actually pretty common and that they would change her anitbioics and she should be feeling better in the next day or so.

So Thursday night we felt better knowing that we NOW had a more logical explanation for the high fevers and diarrhea. Sean went to bed I joined knowing I would not sleep but hoping Eviee would get some praying that she would wake up at least a little better in the moring.

Friday morning. 5:00am Eviees shaking and lips are blue again. I had just checked her temp. 102.7. Picked her up because it was time for more Motrin. We headed to the kitchen when she started. I started crying begging Sean to tell me what was wrong.Why was she doing that. (I had mentioned this to the doctor but did not get an answer and was more worried about getting blood drawn to keep thinking about it I guess) Next thing I know she has stopped shaking and her lips were her perfect shade of pink again. I took her back to bed to let her sleep but I couldnt put her down. I just held her crying silently praying to God to please heal my baby. Give it to me if someone must have it not her. Shes too little. Please let the meds work on her. Please dont let it be something else. Lord please please Lord heal her little body.
All the strengh I had was gone. These last nine days have been the harders days of my life. Having your child so sick and not being able to comfort them or make them better. The feeling that you are totally helpless. My worrying about all the meds she has had in the last nine days (i am anti meds) worrying about what the fever she has carried for days is doing to her body. Fighting with her to drinking or at time having to force her to drink because I didnt not want her in the hospital. Having no sleep because I felt like I had to watch over her at all times, check her fever every 20 mintures because it seriously kept going up and down. Those nine days were HELL!
Sean stayed home with me Friday. He said he could see the fear in my eyes. He said that Eviee needed her mommy but that I needed help. Ha he said he would do whatever I needed hime to do even if it was just holding Eviee while I peed! Well thanks honey but by day nine of this shit I have fully mastered how to pee and hold a 13 month old all at the same time. (dont judge me you just wait until your baby gets sick, I was not about to put her down to cry just so I could relieve myself, I agree really nasty but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do). By 11am her fever had gone up to 104.5. After a few mintues of freaking out we striped her clothes off and within 20 minutes it was back down.  The rest of the day just played out like the last few. We headed to bed and set my alarm to go off every hour in case I happened to fall asleep or if nothing else to remind me to check her temp because she had one at 6pm so by about 11pm she would be running one again.

Saturday moring Sean got up to head to work. He asked me how her fever did through the night. With a smile on my face I told him she didnt have one! Fianlly after days and days it had finally broke. And I am happy to say that she still  fever free. She woke up ready to eat whatever momma gave her which was nice considering she only been eating yogurt well she did have my subway sandwhich last night LOL and besides catching up on her sleep she seems to be back to her normal sweet funny happy HEALTHY girl!

Thank you to everyone that prayed for Eviee.

Sorry for the long post.