Some things have taken over my mind these last few weeks and most I can't seem to shake loose.
Like for the first time in 21 months actually 25 months I have had that overwhelming desire to have another baby. If your thinking about my other post a while back I said "i didn't really want another THEN but that Sean did and for him I would do anything along with alot of other reasons as to why we should, but now I do have that desire. What scares me along with some reason I care to not mention to the VERY few followers I have is everything that has gone wrong in the past and everything that could go wrong in the future.I absolutely can not handle another miscarriage or worst. I can't say good bye to another child of mine. I just can't. I also still have all my selfish (for Eviee) reasons not to have another one. I grew up as did Sean where you didn't just get things at a drop of a hat. Money was really tight and I know I always heard "we don't have the money". I know my mother saved from the moment school let out for the summer for new clothes for the fall. You only ever got anything if it was Christmas or your birthday. I'm not saying that is bad but I don't want that life for Eviee. I want to be able to give her everything she needs without wondering where the money is going to come from. But as I have said before this subject really needs its own post as I could go on and on.
I have been thinking alot about a certain person lately. I can't get them off my mind. I really don't know why this is. Maybe it's a sign from God to seek out this person and let them know that I am here and I really do care. But I hate rejection of any kind. This person and I have a past and long past good and bad. (not so bad but) . We have tried to keep up our relationship. I have tried telling this person how I feel and what I want but they never seem to hear me or care so once again we are at a off. I just hate it. It person used to be a big part of my life and now .... Anyways their on my mind.
Ive been thinking about my house too much lately. Ugh it needs alot of work and alot of work cost alot of money. But there is so much that has to be changed and alot that we want changed.
People need to really put ALOT OF FREAKING THOUGHT into whom they are going to have children with. UGH! But that's all I'm going to say on this.
I need to make a trip to Dallas in July. Anybody want to go with ???? It wont be a fun trip for you as it is for my Mary Kay business but at night we could party!!!!!!! LOL (if I get to go Sean will beat home with Eviee) :( it'll be a three day trip for me.
Anyways there is so much more on my mind but Eviee is ready for momma.